Relationships… how do we handle them? Is it a mystery? Are we free to treat people however we please? No! God clearly lays out his plan for our relationships in the bible and it’s information we all want to know! We’ve been doing a Series in the middle school group (Active) for the last 4 weeks covering this topic. We covered Relationships we, as believers, have with unbelievers, our relationship with other believers, our relationship with our parents, and finally, our relationships with the opposite sex. Each week we had one of the Fresh Life pastors come and guest speak about a certain topic.
I’ve been in youth ministry now for about 5 years and it’s always really cool for me to hear these kind of messages. Not only as a reminder to me about how we are to love others but also to be there with the students as they learn what God expects and wants of them. God has a very specific plan for how we are supposed to treat unbelievers versus believers (it’s not the same across the board), as well as how important it is to show our parents love and honor them- even if it can be difficult. But hey, all relationships are difficult and require us to look beyond ourselves to love the other person!
Last night was our finale: Relationships with the Opposite Sex. Levi was our guest speaker and it was just great hearing him explain what God wants of for His people. It’s a topic most people find uncomfortable or the one thing that so many will jump to first as “outdated” in our society. But it’s pretty clear that our societies approach to relationships is an utter failure. Levi has such a great way of making the topic relevant and real without sounding like an overbearing, over-protective parent. It’s such a passion for him and he makes it very real.
It’s a passion for me as well. 5 years ago I began serving in youth ministries under Levi and I also met Johnny. My parents always stressed purity and waiting but like most youth, I thought that the chances of me finding someone else who shared my desire to wait was going to be slim to none. When I met Johnny, he told me almost immediately of his desire to for “Courtship” rather than dating. “Courtship” is dating with the intent of marriage- which includes spending time with the girls family, getting to know her in a group setting, and gradually working toward marriage. This was the first time I’d ever heard of it and, honestly, I loved the idea! As I served under Levi and heard him speak about these things, my passion for my students to be pure just grew. I want nothing more for them than what God wants for them- the one man, one woman relationship forever that avoids the dating frenzy that rips their hearts to shreds! Who wants to hand their heart over to their husband as a bunch of tattered shreds? Sadly, sometimes I just come across as overprotective rather than helping the students to see how important this truly is!
Well last nights message was so good, I just want to share some of the notes I took. Hopefully they are slightly coherent!
Firstly- when it comes to dating- there are no specific bible verses on the topic because at the time it was written, people didn’t “date”. Dating today is like fast food- it’s instant gratification but not really that substantial. By dating, your giving little bits of yourself to the other person that were intended for your marriage. Dating today has become like mini marriages except once the person gets what they want from you they can leave- which explains the high divorce rate. People are trained, through dating, that you leave when YOU aren’t getting what YOU want. That’s not love, but selfishness.
But there are Principles that we can follow.
Eph 5:3 calls us to have not even a hint of sexual immorality in our lives. To be 100% pure.
This Purity is an Offering to God. We should consider the concept of Courtship.
1- What is our timeline for when to Court?
No need to date until marriage is in the not too distant future. Until then, learn to Validate yourself in Christ rather than in the physical and emotional affection of another. When you date when marriage is far off- you almost guarantee failure in your purity.
2- WHO do you date?
It is important to be equally yoked. Meaning for the believer that this person 1) Puts God first (their real behavior versus them just saying they are a Christian) 2) that you are attracted to them, 3) they Honor your parents, and 4) that they are kind to you. These are all traits that should be in the person you are looking to “court” because they are traits you would want in a spouse.
3- How to date?
It’s easy if you’ve done the first 2 steps right because this person will have the same values as you do and want purity as much as you do!
“My Garden is enclosed, there is a wall around it” - Song of Solomon
So Great!
- Tori
